What happens when you stop dimming your light and stop playing small?

What if the comfort you’re clinging to is the very thing draining your joy? We dig into the quiet habit of playing small—why we do it, how it sneaks into work and relationships, and what happens when you finally decide to show up fully.

In this episode,we map a path from fear to full expression so you can think bigger, speak clearer, and feel more alive.

Along the way, we highlight the hidden costs of shrinking—stress, anxiety, burnout—and the benefits that compound when you stop: confidence that’s earned, opportunities that finally see you, relationships that deepen through truth, and creativity that thrives without constant self-judgment.

You’ll leave with a simple toolkit:
write and challenge your limiting stories, 
take daily micro-risks that build courage, 
celebrate reps not outcomes, 
curate a circle that lifts your standards, 
and run a vivid future-self visualization that turns identity into a compass. 

If you’re ready to trade approval for alignment and comfort for growth, this conversation is your signal to start.

Follow, share with a friend who needs a gentle push, and drop a comment: what’s the smallest bold step you’ll take today?

Chapters

• 0:00 Why We Play Small
• 0:55 Research On Shrinking Ourselves
• 2:01 Personal Turning Point
• 2:28 Icons Who Refused Smallness
• 3:32 The Hidden Costs Of Shrinking
• 4:43 What Changes When You Expand
• 5:44 Future Self Visualization
• 6:07 Practical Steps To Grow Courage
• 8:42 Compounding Small Wins
• 9:15 More Real-World Transformations
• 9:50 Claim Your Power & Closing

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Hi, welcome back to the Self Hell Podcast, your safe space to unpack life's chaos, one story, one lesson, one moment at a time. I am Dipali, and today we are exploring a topic that can literally transform the trajectory of your life. What happens when you stop playing small? Have you ever felt like you are dimming your own light to fit in? Or staying in a job you don't love, avoiding sharing your ideas, or just hiding your true self because it all feels too risky and out there. Here's the truth. Comfort comes at a cost. Staying small may feel safe, may feel familiar, but it silently drains your energy, your confidence, and your joy. And today we'll explore research, inspiring examples, some personal stories, actionable steps, some anecdotes, and even some surprises along the way. And by the end of it, you'll know exactly what it feels like to step up fully into your power. But first, why do we even place mom? Why do we hide a potential? Brennie Brown, a researcher on vulnerability and courage, shows that people shrink themselves out of fear, fear of rejection, fear of failure, and even fear of success. And she calls this self-protection through shrinking. Psychologists also talk about self-limiting beliefs, the stories that we keep telling ourselves, things like I'm not good enough or people won't take me seriously. These invisible narratives shape our choices. A 2021 study from the University of California discovered that people who consistently downplay their achievements experience lower life satisfaction and higher levels of anxiety. Essentially, playing small silently eats away at your mental and emotional health. And I have been the victim of it. 100%, hands down. And I don't like this about me at all. I remember a time when I was terrified to share my writing publicly, and I kept telling myself, who would even read this? It's not good enough. I stayed small in my cocoon, hiding my voice. But the very day that I shared my first blog post, I felt an unexpected sense of liberation, as if there was a weight off of my chest. Some true sense of freedom. And it hit me. Staying small never protects you, it only limits you. Neuroscience research shows that fear-based thinking reduces prefrontal cortex activity, the part of her brain responsible for planning and creativity. In other words, staying small literally limits your ability to think big. Let's look at a few real life transformations. J.K. Rowling. Before Harry Potter, she was a simple mother on welfare. She could have stayed small, never submitting her manuscript, but she risked everything and her story changed the world. Oprah bin free. Born into poverty and repeated setbacks, she could have stayed small, but she embraced her voice and her vision. And today her influence is global. I also think about one of my friends, let's call her Ashley. She worked in a corporate job she didn't enjoy, but was terrified to leave. But one day, she decided to start a small online business on the side. And within a year, her business grew beyond her expectations. And she left the corporate world behind. Her life transformed because she decided not to play small. And as Marianne Williamson famously said, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. Now, when you listen to this quote at first, you'll be like, hmm, it sounds counterintuitive, but think about it, take a few minutes, and then you'll know what it exactly means. Playing small has many hidden costs beyond frustration. It impacts your mental, emotional, and physical health. Psychology Today reports that suppressing your true self leads to a chronic state of stress, anxiety, and even a weaker immune system. Here's my personal story. I spent years avoiding public speaking, even though I loved it. I love it to the core. And every time I had an opportunity to share my ideas, I said no. It felt safer, familiar, but it weighed on me emotionally. I was anxious, overthinking, constantly seeking opportunities and approval. And the energy I spent shrinking myself could have been redirected into growth, creativity, joy, and so many more possibilities. Endless, ample number of opportunities for me. Think about it. Have you ever said yes to everyone else's needs but not your own? That's also playing small. It's exhausting, invisible, but it steals your vitality. A Howard Business Review study found that employees who downplay their strengths or avoid taking initiative are more likely to experience burnout, depression, and decreased career satisfaction. And the evidence is clear. Playing small has real consequences more than you possibly think it has. Now, the exciting part. Let's move to that. What happens when use happens when you stop playing small? Confidence die rockets. Every risk, every small step build courage. Opportunities multiply. People notice when you show up fully in your raw, true, most authentic self. And doors that were invisible start to open now. And even some windows that lead you to new doors and destinations. Relationships deepen. Authenticity attracts more people. And people resonate with your true self. Creativity and innovation increase. Fear of judgment fades away, allowing your mind to explore new ideas and amp up your creative quotient. And life feels more like living, feels more alive. Freedom, fulfillment, deep satisfaction, and purpose become your everyday companions. I thought, who am I to have value here? But then I decided to show up anyway. The experience was transformative. Not only did I feel liberated, but I also inspired a few others in ways I never imagined. And that's the power of stepping into your light. And here's a small visualization practice for you. Imagine your life five years from now. If you stop playing small, what doors would open? What relationships would you be thriving in? What ideas are you bringing to life? What assets you would build? Or whatever gives you true deep satisfaction, joy, happiness, creative first roads, travel, anything. Now hold that image. Let's make this practical. Starting with identifying self-limiting beliefs. Write down all the stories. Give it a day or two days or a week. But I want you to write down everything, every thought, every fear that you think holds you back or stories that shrink you down. Challenge them. Then take small risks every single day. Speak up. Share an idea. Go. Send that cold email. Meet a complete stranger. Hang out with different people. Take yourself on a solo date. Just do whatever helps you get out of your comfort zone. Try something new. Risk builds courage. Even if you feel shaky in that moment, that's fine. Just go do it. Otherwise, you will never do it. And then celebrate every big and small win and everything in between. Acknowledge the progress, not just results. And surround yourself with people who uplift you with great support system, with people who bring out the best in you. Your circle shapes your growth. You become the average of five people you surround yourself with. So choose your circle wisely and surround yourself with ambitious people. People who are uplifting and supportive. Visualize your bigger self. I once did this exercise that really helped me. Take a piece of paper or open notes on your phone and just dump out everything that you want to be. List out everything that you think the woman you want to be is. What kind of clothes she wears? What kind of makeup she does? What's her hair do like? How does she speak? What type of friends she has? What is her reading habit? Does she participate in events and takes on speaking gigs? Is she a video broadcaster? Whatever you possibly think. Is she an author? Does she dream of being on TEDx? Just spend that time and list down everything. And that's your target. That's your true highest self that you want to reach. And now act according to that woman. What would she do if she was in a state of panic? Will she have anxious, anxiety-ridden thoughts? Or would she control them? Would she become the master of her own mind? Just visualize your bigger self and imagine your life in full bloom and then act exactly like that person. And in doing that, please don't forget to practice self-compassion. Growth is messy, reward effort, and not just success. Neuroscience shows that repeated small actions rewire your brain. In the brain that changes itself, Dr. Norman Deutsch explains that consistent effort strengthens neural pathways, making courage habitual. I once coached a junior in my college who was terrified of public speaking. She started small, first with video messages to friends, family members, and then started to speak up in small meetings and finally online in webinars, and now she does her own webinars and seminars on her subject of expertise. Within months, she has become a confident speaker with her own podcast. So, small steps, if you see here, compounded into something huge, big, and meaningful and led to a major transformation. Here are more stories to inspire. Another woman I know was afraid to start a YouTube channel because the video first felt awkward and very difficult to record, but she persisted and now she has a good loyal audience and is influencing change in meaningful ways. A friend left a secure but unfulfilling job to start a social enterprise. The first year was scary, the numbers didn't come up, she hired people and all those people then left, and it was a year of change. But today, she is impacting hundreds of lives while feeling alive in her work and doing work that brings her true joy and not what society thinks is fulfilling. Tony Robbins says life begins at the end of your comfort zone. And these transformations aren't exceptions, they happen for anyone linked to stop playing it small. So what happens when you stop playing small? You reclaim your life, you take your power back, you become powerful, you experience freedom, joy, creativity, and deeper connection. You become the version of yourself you were always meant to be, or you always hoped to be and dreamed to be. Dreams become your companions. So here's my challenge for you pick up one small step today towards your bigger self. Speak up, share your story, start that project. Every little action counts. Thank you for joining me on the self-help podcast today. This is your safe space where we unpack life's chaos, one story, one lesson, one moment at a time. And if this episode resonated with you, share it with someone who needs a gentle push to step in their car and step up their game. And remember, you are capable of more than what you realize. So stop playing it small. Life's magic is waiting for you. Until next time, see you and bye bye.